The Lived-In marriage: navigating tough conversations at night

Think of the bedroom like a sanctuary. It could extend to the way your entire home feels in the evening as well.

One night, Will told me, “let’s not have any tough conversations after 9pm.” At first, I thought he was nuts. Then I realized, he was onto something.

From our experience, most of the time, nothing good comes from bringing up a challenging topic before bed. It completely changes the trajectory of the morning. Because if you’re going to sleep on “fight or flight mode,” you’re most likely not going to wake up in a relaxed state.

Of course, we’re not perfect and sometimes a challenging topic comes up if we didn’t get a chance to discuss it earlier in the day, or our mind leads before our hearts. But as much as you can, set the intention to let go of it for now.

Yes, I know the old saying, “you shouldn’t go to bed angry.” But honestly, there are some things you just can’t resolve before bed.

Personally, I get it out of my head (and focus on what I’m grateful for) by writing it down. The important thing is to do what works for you.

And yes, we still give each other a kiss goodnight. We acknowledge the feelings of frustration, fear, sadness, or whatever it is, but still affirm our love and pray for strength to get through it.

Not perfection. Practice. Because after all, nighttime is for rest, not for tough conversations.

Until next time [God willing],

Sandy